Andres Hates Feelings

est. emotionally unavailable

Andres
hates
feelings

An official, fully documented record of one man's commitment to not discussing what is on his mind at this time.

feelings discussed
voluntarily

agent on retainer
(Agrippa)

∞

off-ramps
deployed

years married,
zero disclosures

Known communication strategies

The off-ramp

When emotional content is detected, Andres deploys a smooth lane change to a nearby exit. Destinations include: something he just remembered, an opinion about cooking, or the weather.

The counter-offensive

When cornered by a personal question, Andres pivots to accusing the questioner of jealousy — typically regarding his cooking. Deployment rate: 100%. Success rate: contested.

The press statement

For recurring inquiries, a prepared response is issued. Current active statement: "No more personal questions at this time." No follow-up questions are accepted.

on the record

"No more personal questions at this time."

— in response to "how are you feeling?"

"You know what this is really about? You're jealous of my ability to cook."

— redirecting a conversation about his inner life

Agrippa dispatch log

Agent: Agrippa — on behalf of A. (surname withheld for emotional privacy)

Processing an emotionLocalized flooding

Family dinner, feelings portionStructural concern, area evacuated

Answering "what are you thinking?"Gas leak, cordoned off

Discussing the relationshipMandatory review pending

Expressing a preferenceForce majeure

Will discuss

Cooking (advanced) Logistics Solutions Strategy Things that need fixing His opinions on your opinions Cooking (again)

Will not discuss

Feelings Vulnerability What he's thinking Personal questions This website

This site was created with love by someone who asked
"what are you thinking?" one too many times
and received a weather report in return.

Andres is, by all accounts, a remarkably good human being.
He simply prefers to demonstrate this through action.